Good day everyone,
Allow me to apologise for the extremely late post, however it’s not because I haven’t been bothered to post anything, it’s because I’ve been so preoccupied with my Final Major Project at Uni, and yes by the sound of it, its MAJOR!! haha. The brief is open for us to do as we wish but there’s only one catch, it has to have a ‘graphic outcome’.. so in a way you’re kinda restricted because you can’t just do anything therefore quite a bit of thought and planning has to be done before you can even commence creating anything. What am I doing I hear you ask? Well I’m mixing photography and dance and fingers crossed be producing a bound book.
I digress; there’s been so many notable events that has occurred since I last posted. And as tedious as it sounds, I would actually like to write about each one, only because it gives me something interesting to talk about and I really wouldn’t want to waste your time reading about absolute shite. Maybe I could write them in a series of posts just so that I can give my full attention to each one and try and give as much attention to each detail as I possibly can. Sounds good so allow me to crack on with one right now..
Working the late shift at IKEA on a weekday after Uni two weeks or so ago, I happened to be on the Swedish food market, specialising in Swedish delicacies with tills complete with scanner and everything etc. So there I am working away when a lady quickly picks up a packet of sweets and runs up to the till to pay. Excuse me if the following things I write come off sounding racist, I can assure you I’m not, and I will be very quick to apologise if this offends anyone; but the lady, probably from Kosovo or another Eastern European country looked dodgy. I try not to discriminate, especially because I would hate for it to happen either to myself or to someone I know. But I felt uneasy around her you could say; she had a mouth full of gold teeth, spoke poor english with a heavy accent and I generally did not trust her, for as bad as it sounds, I have a hard time trusting those asylum seekers. Before you accuse me of being in the BNP, something that is ridiculous to speculate for I’m not even white, allow me to explain myself and clarify my opinions. Firstly, “those asylum seekers” is poorly worded and I can see that for myself, I haven’t got a problem with asylum seekers for they are just people looking for a better place from which they came; and the word “those” should probably be followed up with the words “types of”.. This is because I hate those asylum seekers who instead of seeking asylum in a new country and making the most out of the opportunities by finding a job or something along those lines, they abuse it by being on some form of government benefit and then proceeding to beg us for money using their babies as a pity tool. I’m not advocating racism, but I just feel that they are abusing the system which has a knock-on affect by portraying good-willed foreigners and immigrants whom actually work hard for their money in a bad light making it easier for the BNP and other racist organisations to promote feelings of anti-immigration etc. Ok with that rant over let me get back to the story.. The sweets she wished to purchase cost a mere 70p to which she hurriedly stuffed a £20 note in my hand. I like to work properly and how I was taught, no matter if that slows me down a bit, so therefore I type in £20 into the system. As my till opens and I’m getting out her £19.30 change she proceeds to pull out a £1 coin saying that she’s found change (Grrr I hate customers who do that by the way). I take her pound, give back the original twenty, then look down to get the 30p change. She then says to me “you gave me this..” holding up a £5 note. Confused? You should be, because I didn’t actually give her a five, I gave her a twenty, therefore she was trying to scam me out of money, a reason why I don’t trust people like her. She was aiming for me to get confused and swap her five for a twenty, earning her a nice £15 profit. I’m not stupid and I was quick to see through her scam, and I was actually very angry that she could try pull that shitty trick on me, so I explained to her in my most assertive tone that I could muster, trying not to lose it, that I gave her a twenty and not a five. She then tries it again saying that I’m in the wrong and that I’ve short changed her.. At this point I start losing my patience and that I’m willing to call security if she won’t stop with her accusations. Clearly shitting it at the thought of dealing with the security team, she leaves it and I give her the correct change and she walks off. I would love to say that this is the end of the story but lucky for you guys it’s not.. For I see her walk down and onto the Bistro, a smaller restaurant of IKEA. I see her look at the menu and proceed to queue up. Failing to trick me into give her extra money, I knew that she’d try it again, so I run over to the bistro and tell my supervisor what just happened and that he should be careful just in case she tried it on them. Now at this point our backs are turned to the lady and the rest of the queue, but we turn around slowly for my supervisor wants to see whom I’m actually talking about, and guess what.. She must’ve sussed that I was telling them what just happened and got scared and legged it; and not just out of the queue but out of IKEA haha.
I know my previous post “ya gotta love the stereotypes” is a rant about my anger towards stereotypes and therefore the discrimination along with it, so me having this post seems like I’m a hypocrite, but my opinions were justified when she tried hustling me. However I do know that she is probably a small handful of people who do that so I really shouldn’t judge everyone. So yeah.. Cool life lesson.
I hope that was entertaining to read and everyone doesn’t think of me as a racist hypocrite haha. I’ll try and write up my next post as soon as I possibly can, or ASAIPC.. It’ll be about a little interesting journey I took on a bus with Charl haha.
Good night all..

Oh p.s, a little shout out to my new reader, “jokes_123456789” from the states, thanks for reading. And my regular readers, ya’ll know them, so visit their blogs found in my blogroll.


The neighbours..

April 13, 2009

Morning guys and dolls,
It feels like ages since I last posted, and in comparison to the amounts of posting I’ve done in the past week, it kind of has hehe. After seeing new posts from both Charl and Ry I feel compelled to write something of my own..
Before I get started I would like to mention how DOPE Margate Beach was, not only the beach itself, but the weather and the good vibes that resulted there. Please feel free to read Charl’s and Ry’s blog to be updated with descriptions of what happened and pictures to back them up hehe, both being equally as entertaining as each other so do yourself a favour and read both!!
Ok well I thought I would blog about something that’s been affecting me recently.. No it’s not an infestation of crabs located in the never-regions or anything like that haha.. But it’s something that is equally, if not more annoying and destructive than genital lice could ever be.. NEIGHBOURS!!
I love neighbours, I’ve been living at my home for nearly 10 years now, and I’ve gotten to know my neighbours located to the right of me extremely well.. Ok I don’t know their names etc. but I could basically trust them with anything (to an extent of course hehe) They are the people who collect our packages when no one is at home to open the door for the delivery woman, they’ve been trusted to take in many of my expensive purchases from a MacBook Pro to a skateboard, and everything in between. And when it comes to religious holidays, both Islamic and Christian, they like to give us food, prompting us to do the same of course.. Basically we have a really, really good report with them. However, the neighbours to the left, well that’s a different story. In the many years my family and I have lived here, we have seen a few new neighbours to the left.. Each being as annoying as the last, they’re not as cool as the one’s to the right. I can recalling the past left residents having these really annoying kids that had bogey-fied faces and just cried and shouted all the time, including those ridiculous times in the morning that is so crazy it doesn’t exist on clocks!! Yeah and it’s annoying things like that that’s carried on with every neighbour that’s ever lived to the left of us. I thought these new ‘left’ neighbours were different. They must’ve kept their heads down for many, many months so I thought the curse of the ‘lefty’ neighbours was lifted.. Until recently.
It all started a few weeks ago, maybe two or three, when I left my house to go out. Basically I live in rows of houses with the roads having a first come first serve policy for parking, there are some dickheads who see it fit to stick their bins in spaces to “reserve” them, but the unwritten rule states that if you haven’t got a space then park somewhere else.. Duhhh!! Anywaysss, as I leave my house, I notice that there are bins reserving quite a big space (big enough to easily fit two cars, maybe even squeeze a third in) right in front of my house. I was already parked so I wasn’t affected by not having a space, however I did see it as a piss take that no one else was able to park. However, then I realised that my bin was missing from the front of my house. Therefore, not only did the dickheads take up three parking spaces, but they had the audacity to use my bin!!


So out of anger I take back my bin and return it back to where it belongs, in my front garden. When I later return to my house I see a fresh new skip sitting where the bins used to be, therefore my neighbours use MY bins so they have somewhere to stick THEIR skip.. Grrr.. And from there on it just gets worse and worse. The skip indicates they’re doing some major renovation work, and this is backed up by the ridiculous amounts of banging that occurs in the next set of mornings. And if you recall me saying in the previous post I was rudely awakened when they proceeded to hammer, but it wasn’t just that time just to let you know. The hammering and drilling was too much, I actually thought they were going to come through the wall, honestly, and this wasn’t helped by the sounds of the dust and little rocks falling down inside the walls. And when I was awoken on the first morning I was so angry that I resorted to the actions of a ‘frustrated’ neighbour in TV shows by banging on the wall for them to stop hahaha. Did they? Nopeee, they must’ve thought it was from their own hammering or something haha. Ok, if they want to do any work to the inside of their house then they’re allowed to; and they’re allowed to be working on it early in the morning, therefore I can only grit my teeth and take it like a man because they’re within their rights to do so. However they blatantly took the piss by not hammering and drilling until the night, while Charl, Ry, Em and myself was trying to watch a movie. I finally lost it and confronted them.. I stormed over to their house and banged on the door until they opened, I then gave them a speech in my “extremely pissed off” tone and my “jump over the wall to beat you up” stance (as seen in a previous post also haha). They must’ve saw how angry I was and begged me to let them carry on just for the next five minutes. I was like whatever, and let’s just say they kept to their word out of fear I’d come over again hahaha. It would seem like things are on the ‘up’ with them now, however the next night I see them reserve more spaces with their own bins (this time!!) and their bags of rubbish.. Do they not learn?! My dad asks me to remove their shit from the road so I do, only to see in a few hours that they have put it all back. At this point I’m losing it at the pure inconsideration that they show to everyone, especially at my family and myself, so I consider taking their bins to another road far away and dumping it there so that they can’t use it to reserve anything anymore. That’ll show them. But I was convinced by Charl that that isn’t the right way to go about it.
Gosh my neighbours are seriously taking the piss, and I’m not too sure how long they’ll be with all this bloody banging, so I’m at the point where I’m keeping my fingers crossed hoping they’ll stop, or better yet.. Move away haha. But till then all I can do is hope. Sorry for the long rant, just felt it was necessary to express my feelings towards the ‘lefties’.
Night, actually good morning more like..

legible for FML!!

March 20, 2009

It was my portfolio assessment earlier, well yesterday considering it’s the early hours of Friday now.. allow me to tell you how my day went..

It started off really good actually, I woke up on time, and was even able to get a little bit of “snooze” time because my assessment wasn’t until 2:oo pm. So I casually strolled and got ready at my own leisurely pace, however I was conscious about the time, because it would suck waking up early, getting ready, taking too long then end up being late.. Something that always, and I mean ALWAYS happens to me.. but there was no way I could afford to be late and end up failing Uni so close to the end. So leaving the house and walking down my street to catch the bus, I realize I forgot my Vaseline and a plastic wallet I was going to use for one of my projects. Oh well, I’m going to have to live with the dry lips for one day, and I could always buy a plastic wallet at Uni.. Not the end of the world..

I get to Uni at about 11. This leaves me three hours to print off my work in A3 and A2 sizes and just generally make sure everything is perfect. But before I do that, off to the Uni shop to by a “Flex (printing) card” at a credit crunching price of £6.00, UHU glue, because I had enough using Neil Buchanan’s Adhesive.. *Read the previous post if ya don’t understand* .. at £1.80 and a Plastic wallet for the bargain deal of the decade of 10p . Anyways, all of that comes up to a total of £7.90, and I proceed to pay by card.. I enter my PIN (it’s 6395 for those whom do not know), and it gets declined.. Hmm that’s weird I think to myself. I ask to try again and surprise surprise it gets declined.. I’m employed, and I haven’t even got enough for a measly £7.90?! What the hell am I going to do? It’s a certainty no one in Uni will lend me the money and Charl isn’t in to bail me out..

Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Fuck I’m screwed, I need to print off my artwork and longer I think of a way of getting money the shorter the time I actually have to finish my work. I go to a cash point because I’m still too naive to think I haven’t got enough money to pay £7.90 because it must be due to some sort problem with their machine or, as crazy as it sounds, I am a victim of fraud.. LOLLL. Well I enter my PIN in to the machine and for the first time in about a year I see something really surprising. Ok normally seeing zero’s in your back balance is a good thing e.g 1000, and I did see zero’s, three in fact.. however that little turd of a decimal point fucked everything up. My balance on screen read:


Uh- ohh.. 

Charl being the angel she is, transferred money into my bank, but god knows when that was going to arrive in my bank and register on the Uni shop machine. So I make the decision to run to my sisters house to borrow money, a trip that’s about 30 mins to and from..

I pick up the money and have to run back to Uni. I’m like sweating at this moment because the suns blazing down and I’m wearing a jumper haha. I make it back and buy all the necessary stuff I intended to buy.. Shame Uni shop worker!! I run to the printing rooms and proceed to print; it’s already 1:00 pm. I print everything then I realize I need to print a poster in A2 instead of the A3 I did it in.. Fuck.. and guess what, it’s costs another £12 to do, and 30 mins to print, ahh FMLLLL. Well I take the chance and print it.. it actually gets done in time and now with time running out I have to run to the third floor of the building to present my work.

Charl had her presentation on Monday, and she told me what to expect, including who was likely to inspect my portfolio.. she was lucky enough to get two good tutors, whom gave her lots of good feedback.. So therefore I wouldn’t be blamed into thinking I was going to get the same people.. Turns out not. Just my luck, I get the shittest tutor who never gives constructive criticism and just destroys the work right in front of your very eyes; along with this other random lady who also just chatted shit. Sigh.. oh well, I could only nod along to their unhelpful comments and occasionally defend my work, and emphasize that the other tutors actually told me to do my work like that.

But I guess it could’ve been worse haha. I know deep down I am pleased with my work, and I will actually talk to the other tutors on how I can improve my work so I guess today’s presentation wasn’t such a waste.. However, all that could’ve went wrong, did.. But at least it provides an entertaining and funny story..

FML haha

So last night as I was preparing my sketchbooks and portfolio for my assessment, I realized I needed to stick in some of the hundreds of loose sheets I had collecting at the back of my books. I normally do things like this at Uni, usually in the library on my break if I’m not busy sleeping.. and doing something else, I’ll probably post something about it, but not right now ok? .. anyways, whenever I do this Charl’s normally sitting besides me so I use her glue, which extremely often is stolen from someone or somewhere else haha; so let’s just say I would always have a glue handy. However, working at home last night, I turned to my side and saw that Charly wasn’t there, and I had no form of glue to stick all the sheets down with.. hmm what to do?

I shout to my father in the kitchen and ask him if we have any “Pritt Stick” laying around the house.. he then goes to our shed in the back garden and later returns with this..



Boarder and overlay mother fucking adhesive?! .. That shit is from WICKES!!

Ok, props to the padre for helping me out in my time of need, but this is GHETTO!! .. However, as you know beggars can’t be choosers, and like the title of the post, desperate times calls for desperate measures.. and boy was I desperate.

So careful not to over “sploge” the papers with this crazy shit, I just added little dabs in the corners. I proper felt like neil Buchanan..


This is an art attack!
This is an art attack!
This is..
           ART ATTACK!!



That adhesive wrinkled the papers and just made everything look weird lol.

Oh well though, at least now sheets and book are one, and there’s no more “baggage” to accompany my sketchbooks haha..

mission accomplished.. thanks padre.. and neil “Art Attack” Buchanan!!

New post, same rant..

January 22, 2009

Evening all,

As the Funk Physics first birthday draws closer, I get increasingly nervous and start doubting my ability to dance.. It’s just nerves I know, but OHHH MAAA GASSSSS.

Just thought I’d quickly make a post because I have the feeling I’ll be a bit busy tomorrow night, and especially on Friday, even the weekend shall be work based, trying to catch up on all the Uni work I’ve fell behind in. Oh well, no rest for the wicked haha.

Hmm what to write a post about? .. Well firstly I find it getting harder and harder to come up with witty and attention grabbing titles of posts, I don’t know if this happens to anyone, and if people even think about it. But damn, it’s a battle I face.. daily haha. I love posting and updating my blogs, but when it comes to thinking of a title to call it I get really stuck, oh well maybe it’s just a phase.

I’ve been meaning to write a post about an incident that happened to me as I was leaving work, but due to my over busy schedule, I’ve always had to put it off for “another day”.. well I’ve got time to write, so I may as well do it now.. Leaving Ikea late at night as I always do (I’ve got the late shifts.. the bastards) I run into two fellow co-workers, but from a different department.. these are your typical ghetto guys whom you can tell have done some dirty dealings at least once in their lives, if not still are; anyways, they say hello and ask if I was interested purchasing a t-shirt they were selling.. A big picture of now President Obama with the slogan: “Yes we can”. I love the guy, don’t get me wrong, but I have no intention of wearing his face. Well back to the story, it was Monday, with Obama’s inauguration the next day.. So therefore I asked them:

“Oh [you’re selling the t-shirt] for [Obama’s inauguration] tomorrow?”

..A good 2 minutes of shouted phrases like “are you dumbbbb?!”, “are you dizzy bluddd?!” etc followed..

Then one of them says:

“This isn’t a premiership football team, this is real life!!”


Ok it’s not that funny, but I’m really shit at telling stories.. Sometimes haha.

Moving on, I also checked my dashboard and saw that I had on click from the Website: “alphainventions“, so me being a extremely curious about where people are finding my blog, I decided to click it. I know very little of it, but I really think it’s a very good and smart site, it “previews” a selection of updated blogs, which is a very good idea if you just want something to read. But God knows how I ended up on the site haha, although I do not regret it because I’ve already got some good view results from it. I started with one click, I went back to it in a few minutes and it said I had ten clicks from the site, then eleven, fifteen, seventeen and then twenty two. I welcome views and everyone to read my blog because I want to share thoughts and the daily occurrences of my oh so interesting life.. cough cough. It’s actually a really good site to connect fellow bloggers and readers alike.

Well anyways I think I’ll leave it there, I’m feeling a bit thirsty and my muscles are aching due to days of rehearsals. So I think I’ll rest. Hope you liked my daily rant..

Ohhh actually, allow me to post some of my pictures from the day out with Charl.. We had to go out and purchase some Uni materials and a new hat for my performance..

Here’s a little something I’m researching into making for my Project in Uni.. It’s just a prototype, it’s a Lightning box 😀

Oh and here’s the breakfast we had earlier that morning.. YUMMY!!

Damn I’m salivating.

Well Ok I’ll actually leave it there.. That’s the only problem with blogging. I’m an addict and I don’t know when to stop. Haha, I have a problem 🙂

Night Night

“He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.”

Guilt trip, shumilt trip

January 21, 2009

Don’t feel guilty, and don’t make your post so that comments aren’t allowed so that I can’t tell you not to worry, see now I have to post it for me to tell you..

I will have a proper post next time, however I’m really tired and I need my rest badly.

Goodnight everyone..

“Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.”

Good evening,

First day back to Uni earlier, and what best to celebrate it by having an all day critique of our project research we were all required to do, ahem. If you’re a past reader, you’d know that I’ve been stressing for the past, erm, 4 days because I’ve been busting my ass hardcore to at least have something to show at the critique, and allow me to enlighten you on how it went..

Today’s crit couldn’t have went better.. yaheyyy

It started off a bit shaky with me having a mad dash to print off my typeface examples etc. and with the help from Charl I was even able to write about the target market of my chosen business. But as the day went on I was feeling more and more confident of the research I did over the 4 days, especially because of the very good reception Charl got when she went through hers. Although I was a bit nervous because my research was done methodically with lots of writing while other people’s were comprised of lots of pretty pictures and bold colours, I still had a really good crit with my teachers nodding their heads to every word I said to them haha.

On a different note, as I was cleaning up at work at the end of the day, I was hassled by the “annoying couple”. It’s been a while since I last ran into the “annoying couple”, but let me tell you why I find them annoying. Months ago, as I was serving on Bistro, I had an aged lady come up to the till and ask for some hotdogs, I serve her and complete her order, she then looks through the glass at the meatballs we sell..

“Oh are those the Swedish meatballs?” she asks,

“Yes they are” I reply,

“Oh I’ve never tasted them, are they nice?”

Me being the nice guy I am, I give her one for free.. 

“Ohhh they are nice, I’ll buy them next time”.

Maybe a week later, the same annoying lady comes to the Bistro again. And I’m now suffering from some hardcore deja vu because she orders, looks at the meatballs and asks EXACTLY the same thing, emphasizing she’s never tasted the “Swedish meatballs” before. At this point I’m ready to jump over the till and drop kick her, but I play along (because I’m a nice non-drop-kicking kind of guy) and give her a free meatball.. What an annoying little bitch. And her husband, an aged man with long hair and a sweatband, complimented with “Gucci” sunglasses, that he’s wearing.. Who wears sunglasses indoors?! Ok attention seeking guys in clubs etc. But not in Ikea for Gods sake! And what’s with the sweatband? Since when was furniture shopping a perspiring activity?!

Yeah well today as I was cleaning, I see them approach and instantly recognize them, or should I say him with his sweatband and sunglasses, and I know they’re going to start hassling. My premonitions were correct as the annoying husband asks me for hot water for his damn pot-noodle and she’s bothering me for cold water, I ignore her because I’m busy cleaning so she just settles for a sip of her husbands pot-noodle. Shame.

Damn look at the time, I should get my rest, felt like a zombie today. Hope you enjoyed and laughed at my ranting.


“There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. “